i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
