help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
