No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
