It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
