i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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