The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
