please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
