I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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