lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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