i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
