he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
