She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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