just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
