I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Where is the hickey?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
