If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
