when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
