I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
