hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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