i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
