You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
