your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just threw up on my dentist
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
