i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
