i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
