I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
