I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
