Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
