found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
