thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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