So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
