he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
