I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
