I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
