I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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