Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
