There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
