so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
