piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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