I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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