I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
