Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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