Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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