New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
