1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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