I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i drank out of a bidet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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