He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
