I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
