and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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