It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
