mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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