I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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