Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
