Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
